When your elderly parent refuses treatment that you know is necessary, it can be challenging to navigate the procedure. It may be tempting to get angry, but if you do not have your parents’ health in mind first, you might inadvertently worsen a bad situation. Instead, if you want to help your parents attain healthy aging, think about what you can do for them calmly.

We always want the best for our parents, but sometimes we clash on the best thing. Do their opinions about their health matter? Is it okay to argue with them? What are some easy ways to get our parents to accept medical treatment for a severe illness or chronic condition? Let’s explore these questions in detail.

Discuss the Problem Clearly and Rationally

If your parent is refusing medical treatment, you may have every right to be upset. You are probably feeling frustrated that your parent is putting their health in danger by refusing life-saving treatment. However, remember that you are dealing with an adult who is fully capable of making their own decisions.

It is an important fact to keep straight: your parent does not want to die. Your parent does not want their health to suffer, but they have decided that they have had enough and do not want any more medical treatment. Instead of arguing with them about their decision, try to persuade them calmly and rationally about why accepting treatment could extend their life.

You may be able to change their mind if you present your evidence and with compassion. Let your loved ones know that you are not upset about their decision but care deeply about their health. Explain why the treatment is essential and why it could mean the difference between life or death for your parent in the long run. Be willing to discuss what other options they might have instead of refusing medical treatment.

They may not want to hear what you have to say, but approaching the problem in a rational way can help you develop a solution that helps your parent as much as possible.

Find a Good Doctor or Healthcare Provider That You Can Trust

If your parent is refusing medical treatment, one of the most important steps you can take is to find a doctor or healthcare provider who is compassionate about your parent’s illness and willing to work with you. You want a trustworthy doctor, familiar with your parent’s condition, and able to work with them.

The first step is getting recommendation letters from doctors who have treated your parent or know the doctors treating your parent. Otherwise, it could end up being more trouble than it’s worth getting a second opinion from an expert who can help you convince your parent of the need for treatment.

Be sure to ask for letters from doctors who know your parent’s treatment history. Then, ask the doctor to write a letter for you that clearly explains why they recommend the treatment. Consider taking a few extra days to receive the letters from other doctors if you can, since having all three letters is a big help.

You might also consider finding an evidence-based medicine doctor or family practice physician that sees many patients with your parent’s type of condition or illness. The American Board of Family Medicine gives a list of doctors in the US who have board certification in family medicine. Also, it has an accredited graduate program for those who want to go into medicine as a family practice physician.

Do You Have the Right to Force Your Parents to See a Doctor?

Some people may be looking for a “yes” or “no” answer to this question, but the truth is that forcing your parent to see a doctor is not as simple as you might believe. You can indeed force them to go to the hospital, but they have a right to refuse medical treatment there.

You are most likely better off forcing them to see a doctor. You know your parent’s condition and explain why it is vital to get the treatment they need. If you try to force your parent to go directly to the hospital, they may not understand why they must go there, so you may end up with them insisting on staying at home or refusing any further medical treatment instead.

The best thing you can do is not force them but discuss the situation with your parent calmly and rationally and help them realize that they need help to attain a quality life. Then, if your parent is ready, help them prepare for a doctor’s visit.

5 Easy Ways to Deal with a Parent Who Refuses Medical Treatment

1. Discover The Reasons Why

Ask your parent what is prompting them to refuse medical treatment. If they refuse to take pills or medicine, give them a copy of the list of reasons they should take these pills or medicines to extend their life.

If your parent refuses treatment based on religious beliefs, make sure you ask them about their religion and their pastor for advice on convincing them. Discuss with your parent the possibilities of changing their mind.

If they have dementia, talk to their doctor to see if there is any way you can help convince them about the treatment. They may have a fear of finding out what is wrong with them or fear of needles. In either case, make sure you keep the discussion calm and don’t argue about the scientific proof.

2. Give Them Time to Consider Their Decision

If your parent continues to refuse treatment, give them time to think about their decision. Let them know that they have time to think about it and that you will be happy to talk about it when they are ready. You can also offer your help researching options or gathering more information about the treatment or why it might be essential for them to receive treatment.

Ask them to let you know when they are ready to go to the doctor. If they say that they won’t be prepared, ask if you can please check back with them in an hour or so. If you don’t hear from them, give them some time before calling again.

3. Help Them Come Up With a Plan That Works For Them

If you discover why your parent refuses treatment, help them come up with a plan that will work for them – not for you or anyone else. It might be that they are afraid of needles or doesn’t want to spend the time going to the doctor.

If you know why they are refusing, try to come up with alternative solutions. For example, if they are afraid of needles, tell them that you can go with them and hold their hand during the procedure. 

4. Remember To Focus On The Benefits

Explain to your parent that they may lose out on some of the benefits of treatment by refusing treatment. For example, let them know that they cannot take vacations or go out for meals if they refuse treatment.

It means that you will have to be willing to get all of the treatment your parent needs to not miss out on any benefits. If they refuse to go with you, make sure you have someone else to remind them that they are not alone.

5. Call For an Expert

If all else fails, you may want to contact an expert with knowledge on the topic. It could be a doctor, a nurse, or someone else who has the first-hand experience. You can contact them and tell them that you need help convincing your parent to receive treatment for their condition. Since they have experience in treating cases like this, they might offer advice on how to handle the situation better than anyone else could.

Follow Your Parent’s Wishes and Accept Their Decision

Many adult children are tempted to take over their parent’s medical treatment when they refuse it themselves. If you are in this situation, let it go. Unfortunately, it is a common mistake made by many adult children, and it is usually not a good idea. While you know that medical treatment could save your parent’s life, they may see some aspects of the treatment as degrading or unnecessary.

For example, if your parent has dementia or Alzheimer’s disease and refuses socialization under any circumstances, forcing them against their will to see a doctor or go to the hospital can humiliate them and lead to more stress and confusion. Therefore, even if your parent has dementia, you should never force them to do anything.

Of course, you want your parent to get the treatment they need, but their refusal is not a reason to take over care. They have made an informed decision, and you should respect that.

Remember that it is okay for you to be angry. It’s okay for you to disagree with your parent’s decision and point out why they might regret this decision in the future. It’s also okay for you to have a hard time accepting this decision, but try your best to be strong and move forward.

The last thing you want to do is push your parent away or cause them more stress by insisting on taking over their medical care. Letting go of the idea of taking control and accepting their decision can be difficult, but it will help you keep the relationship going positively. In this way, accepting their wishes is important for keeping the relationship intact.

Wrapping Up

If your parent is refusing medical treatment for any reason, the first step you can take is to learn about their condition. If this is something that occurred in their childhood, it may help to talk with a psychologist. You may discover that something traumatic in their life caused this decision, and you don’t recognize it.

If you’re looking for senior care services in Bloomfield, New Jersey, your search is over. We are the premier provider of home care services in the area, and we provide our services intending to help our clients live their best and most healthy lives. If this is something that you or your parent needs, please feel free to give us a call today at 973-338-0124.