Negative elderly parents are a common issue for children. In many interviews, children spoke of their parents’ negative impact on their view of themselves and how they viewed their siblings. It can cause a great deal of discord in the household, as siblings struggle to feel validated by each other.

Children often internalize their parents’ criticisms and negative feelings about themselves, leading to them struggling with self-confidence.

It is important to remember that a parent will always love their child. However, many elderly parents can be extremely overprotective of their children, especially when other family members potentially take advantage of them.

Altering the behavior of elderly family members can be difficult, as they do not generally experience the same level of self-control as other adults. However, children can reach out and make the necessary changes on their own. In addition, children can seek assistance from a professional counselor who can help them understand how to deal with their parents effectively.

It is important to remember that there are many ways to deal with difficult elderly relatives and that one approach will not work for everyone. Hence, it is important to develop a personal strategy that works best for oneself and a family member.

Few Examples of Elderly Parents Negative Behavior

1. Negative commentary:

– “You are too sensitive.”

– “You shouldn’t be such a goody-two-shoes.”

– “How could you do that? I tried to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen!”

– “All you want is to place me in an assisted living facility.

– “Don’t tell me what to do. I’m not a child.”

1. Negative body language:

– Crossed arms and legs. Arms crossed, elbows on knees, arms at eye level; crossed arms, elbows on knees, arms at eye level; hands in pockets or behind the back.

– Swaying, shaking head.

– Hunch shoulders.

– Rolling eyes.

– Exaggerated sighs.

– Making a face that says, “Oh, no,” or “Are we doing this again?”

– Walking away without any explanation.

– Walking through the middle of a conversation.

– Changing the subject when discussing something that does not interest them.

Discovering their reasons for being negative

Almost all negative emotions have a root cause. For example, someone feeling anger may experience stress. Stress contributes to negative emotions. In this case, elderly parents may have experienced a great deal of stress in their life. Therefore, it is important to help them identify the root cause of their negative emotions.

If this is an issue that concerns you, finding a professional counselor can help you effectively deal with the situation. The most difficult part of dealing with negative elderly relatives is allowing yourself to be vulnerable. When a child is vulnerable, they are more likely to be hurt by negative feelings and actions. Vulnerability requires openness and trust among family members.

Understanding why your parent is Negative will help you to deal with the situation. In addition, it can help you understand their feelings and behavior better so you can effectively confront them.

Suppose your parent is showing signs of dementia, Alzheimer’s or another type of dementia. In that case, family members need to put aside their feelings and provide emotional support for the elderly relative. It is also important to learn about elder abuse so you can report any problems with elderly relatives to community services agencies.

7 Surprising Ways To Deal With Negative Elderly Parents At Home

One of the hardest parts for children and grandchildren dealing with a negative elderly parent is finding a way to deal with the negativity, especially in your own home.

Statistics show that an astonishing 30-40 percent of elderly parents negatively impact their household because they feel their children aren’t doing enough for them or have done something wrong. If you are experiencing negative feelings when it comes to your parents, there is good news. There are practical ways you can deal with your negativity over time.

1. Find ways to become more positive.

If your parent is consistently negative, find ways to change your attitude. Being positive is like a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you think positive, you are much more likely to spread positivity and give positive advice and guidance to those who love you. Additionally, by becoming more positive, you are making a difficult situation easier to handle. Which then resonates with those people around you, especially your aging loved ones. This feeling will lead you to create more fun memories with your elderly.

2. Show your appreciation.

Your loved one has a reason for their negative behavior. For example, your loved one may have lost a spouse, and as hard as that is, they may have someone to blame for their loneliness. Or they may have had a bad experience in the past. And, unfortunately, take this negative emotion out on you. Showing appreciation will help make you feel better about the situation and move away from negative feelings about your parent’s behavior. 

3. Tell them directly.

If you have a positive experience with your parent, tell them about it. It is an effective way to make their negative behavior seem less important in the grand scheme of things. They may even feel guilty about feeling negative about you when they hear about how great you are as a person but don’t say anything. As a result, they may alter their negative thinking and may start considering you as a reliable elderly companion. On the other hand, if there is a problem, talk to them and tell them that they should direct positive energy towards the family as a whole instead of just one individual.

4. Understand that their negative behavior is not your fault.

It is another common feeling among those dealing with a negative parent. They mistake the negativity for hostility or meanness. There are multiple reasons that a parent might experience a negative emotion, and it is important to understand that it is their problem and not your fault. It takes time to deal with the negativity, but don’t take it personally. This problem is much bigger than you are, so you should try to see this as an obstacle in life that you can overcome in time.

5. Show them compassion and empathy.

If your parent feels insecure or frustrated, let them know that you care about them and that you will help in any way possible. People with anxiety tend to be very sensitive to criticism or comments that make them look bad. Letting them know that you care and want to help with their problems will help reduce the negativity in the household.

6. Engage them in more fun activities

For seniors, it is very important to stay active. By getting them involved in fun activities, you may be able to reduce their stress levels and improve their relationship with you as a result. There are a lot of exercises for the elderly that you can enjoy. For example, you can suggest doing exercise together to help keep them in shape. Or you can take them to a fun, interesting activity such as an art class. It is also important to engage your parent with a positive support system. That is why it may be beneficial for your parent to live in assisted living care. By having a group of people around them who are more balanced emotionally, your parent will be motivated and feel supported to reduce their negative feelings.

7. Take Time to Care Yourself.

It may feel like your parent is always negative towards you, but the truth is that they don’t feel as though they have time to be positive. It takes a lot of work to care for an elderly parent, so it can be very easy to forget about yourself. If you are easygoing and enjoy your free time, you will be in a better position to help your parent when the inevitable changes happen. Over time, people can grow more positive around each other as well.

In Conclusion

It is normal for a relationship to change over time. One person may start a relationship by being very positive, but it can seem like they have become more negative as soon as difficulties come up. It is just a natural part of life, and it helps to understand why this happens so that you can deal with the bitterness that comes with negative feelings.

It is important to accept those around you for who they are and work on your emotional issues simultaneously. The more you can show people that you care about them, the more likely they will be positive towards you. When you show them love and respect, they will react in a positive way.

It is important for those who have elderly parents in the house to understand that you are never alone. You have the power to change your situation by doing things differently. For example, you can reduce their negativity by being more positive yourself, even if they try to make you feel poorly.

As hard as it is, you can overcome negative feelings by taking the time to care for yourself and show your parents that you love them. It may take some time, but doesn’t it sound like an interesting challenge?

If you or your family member is looking for home health care, Serenity Senior Care is here to help. You may contact us at 973-338-0124