Have you ever spent the day with your mother and had her drag you down? Told you that nothing will ever work out or that there is no hope? Perhaps it seems to you that she is always finding something to complain about. One might even think she sees only the negative in every situation and never the positive.

Negativity can be a habit or a way to get attention. In many cases, however, negativity is a sign of depression. Supporting your elderly parents with depression can be hard. Though there are steps you can take to help a person in crisis, not all of them will be the ones you expect.

In this blog post, we will talk about how to assist a loved one who is depressed and what you should avoid doing.

Depression in The Elderly

Depression can vary from person to person. Some people become very inactive, while others are more irritable. They may have difficulty getting to sleep and then sleeping for long periods.

There are other symptoms, too, including the following. Some of these may be familiar, while others are likely to be unexpected.

Sleeping changes: With depression, it can be difficult to fall or stay asleep. Some elderly parents sleep for much longer than normal. They may also wake up earlier or later than usual and not feel rested after sleeping for extended periods of time.
Changes in appetite: Many depressed individuals lose their appetite. They may also experience cravings for certain foods or a sudden increase or decrease in their food intake.
Loss of interest in activities: Not only does a person with depression withdraw socially, but they often lose interest in hobbies, entertainment, and activities they used to enjoy. They may also have trouble concentrating and sometimes withdraw from work responsibilities and other obligations.
Feeling guilty, worthless, and inadequate: Sometimes, a person with depression feels worthless, inferior, and a failure. They may also be convinced that they are to blame for everything and will feel guilty when they have no reason or cause to feel guilty.
Irritability, anger, and apathy: Since depression can lead to withdrawal from others, a depressed individual may act irritable and angry with their loved ones. These people may also feel apathetic towards others.
Forgetfulness and lack of attention: A person who is mentally depressed may have problems paying attention, remembering details, and making decisions. They may even forget things that happened only hours before.

Why We Hurt the Ones, We Love, Rather Than Helping Them

What do you do when your elderly mother is negative and depressed? For most of us, the response is to resolve the depression by getting our loved ones involved in activities and bringing them out of their shell. While it is logical, this is usually not the best approach and could even be dangerous in some cases. Let’s look at why this is the case, followed by what we can do instead.

1. Depression Is Not A Natural Response To A Bad Situation

Depression is a mental illness that distorts a person’s perception of reality. Depression changes the way seniors experience the world. They see things through a different lens, making it difficult for them to feel like the old person you remember.

This is why you shouldn’t try to argue with a depressed person; tell them to snap out of it or use logical reasoning to try to get them to see the positive side of their situation. Depression is the result of a chemical imbalance in the brain, and it needs treatment from a professional. You can help those suffering from depression by doing things that make them happy and feel cared for, such as spending time with them and listening when they need someone to talk with.

2. You’re Invalidating Your Loved One’s Experience

Don’t blame the person for being depressed or try to convince them that they aren’t depressed. In many cases, the person will become more convinced that they are depressed and feel more hopeless because you are invalidating their experience and making it seem like it doesn’t exist. You can’t “tell” a person to be happy when they aren’t. Everyone is different and unique, and what makes you happy might not make someone happy. Your loved one needs to try to feel happy in their way.

3. You May Make Your Loved One Feel Even Worse

If you are trying too hard to cheer your loved one up or pull them out of their depression, you may be making the situation worse. At the root of depression is an emotional hurt; the person may feel like you are failing them or you don’t understand how they feel. Making them feel worse will make them withdraw more into themselves, and they may not share their feelings with you in the future.

4. You’ll Exhaust Yourself

When looking for solutions for your elderly loved one’s depression, it’s easy to burn out if you try too hard or do things that don’t work. Trying to fight a hopeless battle will drain your energy. So be aware of the things you can change and those things you can’t. Focus on being supportive while letting your loved one try to feel better on their terms

5. You May Be Toxically Positive

Toxic positivity is a belief that no matter how difficult a situation is, someone should maintain a positive attitude. While this is a nice idea, it’s not always true or helpful. Suppose you are trying to encourage your elderly loved one to stay positive, even if seniors are in a very difficult situation and everything seems hopeless. In that case, you may be hurting them by repeating the idea that things will get better. While believing in a better future is important, they need time to grieve and adjust their expectations.

What Can You Do To Help

You cannot fix your loved one; this is the primary thing to keep in mind when dealing with your depressed parents. You can’t get your parent out of depression. That is their job, and it’s a tough one.

We don’t fully understand depression, including why it happens and how to treat it.

Some people feel better after following some recommended tips, like exercising, eating well, and becoming socially engaged again. However, others do everything right but still feel depressed. They might feel better but not necessarily happy. And some people just feel like they are not making progress and wonder if they will ever get better.

It can be tough for anyone to find their way through depression and discover the techniques that work best for them. Your priority is to be there when your parent is suffering because they will need you the most at these times.

1. Listen To Them

Listen to your loved ones and let them know that you are there for them. However, you shouldn’t always be the person who gives advice or tries to help at all times. Sometimes they will want you to listen to what they say without offering a solution. If what your loved one has to say seems harmful to you, rather than arguing with them, why not change the topic? For instance, if they are telling you how much they hate their life, rather than telling them that they shouldn’t feel like this or get angry at them for saying such things. You should remember that depression affects individuals’ feelings, and you can’t change that by saying their emotions are inappropriate. Instead, you could stick to a more productive line of conversation; you can try saying, “let’s talk about something else.”

2. Be In Your Loved One’s Corner

Never try to fix things; it’s their job. Sometimes it feels like you already have tried and didn’t make a difference. Fear not because your actions are more powerful than you realize. Just by being there, even if they don’t ask for it, they know that you are there for them. Your presence is a sign of support and can help them feel better. Practice compassion, be aware that they are struggling, and approach your loved ones without judgment.

3. Trust Your Elderly Loved Ones

Trust your elderly loved ones to make their own decisions; they know what’s best. Avoid interfering with the decisions they make and follow their lead. If they are unhappy with a decision, rather than saying they made a mistake, you could suggest a way to fix it or change it. Give your loved ones the space and freedom to make their own decisions. Put away criticism and judgments; allow them to trust the process of figuring out for themselves what will work for them.

4. Keep Them Company

Depressed people tend to withdraw because they feel lonely. They might not feel in the mood to engage in social activities and don’t have the energy for conversations. One simple way you can do this is to hang out with them and be there for them even if they don’t say anything. Be in the same space, even if you are busy doing something different.

For instance, if your parent is always negative, you might visit him regularly and stay for a while – even if you’re doing your own thing. Being there for him is better than not being there for him at all.

However, if you can’t be there as always for your elderly loved one, but you want her to feel that you’re always there for her, you can help by hiring companion support for your loved one. Serenity Senior Care has a network of caregivers and companions who can come to your loved one’s home to take care of her as much or as little as your loved one needs.

5. Don’t Take It Personally

Your loved one might think or behave negatively, but that doesn’t mean their behavior is personal and directed towards you. The best thing you can do for your loved one avoids taking things personally. Going through depression makes people feel lonely and can lead them to lash out. However, when you take things personally, it only makes things worse. Instead of being affected by these remarks, try to stay calm and collected and remember that they are depressed, which is why they feel this way.

6. Have A Sense Of Humor

Depression can make your loved one feel miserable and hopeless, but taking things too seriously will only make the situation worse. Try to put in a few jokes here and there. A good joke can give them a moment of respite from their depression. For instance, you might make a joke saying, “The sun is shining; let’s go to the park!” Or “I wish I was back in college. It was so much better than now when I’m unemployed.” A good joke can help take a break from negative thoughts.

7. Take Care Of Yourself

Looking after yourself is important because you need to look after your mental health as well as the mental health of your parents or whoever you are helping. Just like your elderly loved one, you need to take care of your mental health and make sure it isn’t affected by the psychological stress you are experiencing. If you don’t take care of yourself as a caregiver, you will begin to feel depressed at some point.

Final Thoughts

Depression is a disorder of emotions and affects the people affected by it. The causes of depression are not fully known, but we know that it can happen at any age. We hope this will help you in understanding depression and hopefully educate you on what actions can be taken to help your senior parent.

Here in Serenity Senior Care, we understand that depression can happen to anyone, and it doesn’t discriminate, whether your senior loved one is a child or an adult. We are always standing by their side to help them and make sure that their needs are met. We even offer Companion Support for your elderly loved one ( if needed).

My Mother Is Negative and Depressing – Taking Care of an Elderly Loved One with Depression